You are Detective Jack BB and you are sitting at the desk in your shabby office. It's dark, the blinds are shuttered. You are reclined all the way back in your tattered leather chair, half asleep, when the powerful noise of a nearby dump truck awakes you.
[[Run to the window]]
You look over the scattered bookshelf...hardly any books. Mostly tchotchkes and legal pads with frantic gibberish scrawled on them. You see an overturned copy of *Dr. Mabuse, der Spieler*, *Dante’s Inferno*, and *Human Anatomy 101*.
[[Dr. Mabuse, der Spieler]]
[[Human Anatomy 101]]
[[back->Wait a second...]]Let's see, what numbers do I remember...
[[Tonky, from The Force]]
[[Honcho, from The Bar]]
[[Mindy, the Ex]]
[[back->Wait a second...]]
Well, there’s no evidence like primary evidence.
[[GULP]]*Dr. Mabuse, der Spieler* - Some old German story about a criminal mastermind who creates an “endless empire of crime...”
[[Nothing about the *liver*, though...->Search bookshelf]]*Dante’s Inferno* - The descent into Hell. I’m all too familiar with it.
[[Nothing on *livers.*->Search bookshelf]]*Human Anatomy 101* - I got this for a case three years ago when I needed to figure out the difference between a uvula and a humerus. A lotta sciencey bullshit if you ask me. Not exactly easy on the eyes. Let’s see...the liver...gotta be under *Organs*, yeah? ....the *liver* is an organ that produces biochemicals necessary for digestion....might as well be friggin’ Chinese...
[[I need a drink...->Wait a second...]]I’m heading out on a call, Jack, can we make this quick?
“What, you don’t got time for your old partner?”
Not right now, Jack. Do you need something? Money?
“No, nothing like that. I just wanted to ask you...what does a liver do?”
....Seriously? You don’t talk to me for two years and this is what you ask me? You are deranged, Jack, you are living in your own world.
[[I need a drink...->Wait a second...]] Dick Jack BB, you headin’ over? Want me to pour a double?
“Nah, I’m drinking at the office today. Hey Honcho, you got any idea what a liver does?”
Don’t you worry none about a liver, eh? Liver is useless and everybody knows it. Basically just in there to keep the pancreas company.
“Huh. You sure?”
Definitely useless. If you’ve been hearing that the liver is some almighty important thing, you’ve been lied to. That’s probably govermint propaganda.
“You’re probably right about that. Thanks, Honcho.”
See you soon.
[[He's probably not right about that, actually.->Wait a second...]]What do you want? What the hell do you want? You know, I’m actually busy right now RAISING YOUR CHILDREN. You have done nothing for us.
“I’m gonna get you that money I owe you, Mindy.”
Ok. Ok, go ahead! When?
“It’s on the way...I just gotta get another case.”
Oh great. You haven’t had a case in MONTHS, Jack BB. You’re washed up! You’ll never work again! You’ll be soaking in a puddle of whiskey on the side of the road by the end of summer!
[[I need a drink...->Wait a second...]]
The more I drink, the more data I can collect.
[[SWIG]]I’m detecting....I’m detecting the solution....
[[Search...look at bookshelf->drunkbook]]
[[Talk to my buddiess->drunkphone]]
Thought I had a book about this somewhere...
[[THUD]]You PASSED OUT.
[[COME TO]]You look over the bookshelf and admire the vast array of memoires and collectibles you have received from satisfied clients over the years. Back when business was good. Back when you were good. You flip through your legal pads, which contain pages upon pages of your mad plans for the future, when things will be good again. You notice three books, *Dr. Mabuse, der Spieler*, *Dante’s Inferno*, and *Human Anatomy 101*.
[[Dr. Mabuse, der Spieler->drunkmabuse]]
[[Human Anatomy 101->drunkanatomy]]
[[back->SWIG]]Oh boy, I'm pretty toasted...
[[Tonky, from The Force->drunktonky]]
[[Honcho, from The Bar->drunkhoncho]]
[[Mindy, the Ex->drunkmindy]]
[[back->SWIG]]*Dr. Mabuse, der Spieler* - Mabuse is an old German ubermensch criminal who builds an “endless empire of crime...” on top of the chaotic burning mess he makes of the world. He’s a master of disguise, hypnosis and body transference (through demonic or technologic possession) who acts through several divisions of agents he has never met. Even after Mabuse dies, he continues his work through others he has driven mad. A real sonofabitch.
[[Not the book I'm looking for...->drunkbook]]Dante’s Inferno - This one puts a pit in my stomach. I don’t want to think about which circle I’ll end up in. They’ll probably make a new circle for me. I’ll have to do all the stuff from the other circles but...upside down.
[[Best just leave this book on the shelf.->drunkbook]]Human Anatomy 101 - I got this for a case three years ago when I needed to figure out the difference between a vulva and a ulna. Let’s see...the liver is an organ that produces biochemicals necessary for digestion...biochemicals...that must be some sort of slang for biological chemicals...ah yes, the *liver* produces *bile*, I’ve seen that in the toilet all too often...and hmmm, “necessary,” that means that you need it...
[[by God I think I’ve solved it.->MYSTERY SOLVED!]]I’m heading out on a call, Jack, can we make this quick?
“Oh Mr. Big Shot, Mr. Sarge! Pardon me, excuse me I didn’t know I was talkin’ to the royal guard!”
You’re drunk, Jack. I don’t have time for this.
“Hold on a fuckin’ second! Have some respect for your elders.”
What is it, Jack. Do you need money?
“I don’t need money, goddamn! Where do you get off askin’ that? I just have a question for you.”
Ok, fine. Shoot.
“What...does a liver do?”
What does a liver do? Is this a riddle?
“No, I’m simply curious.”
A liver is an internal organ that produces chemicals necessary for digestion. Without a liver, you would die. Does that answer your question?
“Yeah...hey thanks kid. Sorry I haven’t called sooner, things have been really...”
[[*click* ->MYSTERY SOLVED!]]Dick Jack BB, you headin’ over? Want me to pour a double?
“I’m already shitfaced.”
That’s what I like to hear. Well come by anyway, I’ll get you a prossie.
“Maybe later. Honcho I gotta ask ya cause I’m gettin’ worried...what the heck does a liver do?”
Hey, Dick Jack. You ain’t got nothin’ to be worried about. The liver is just a hunk of fat that soaks up alcohol. Some people’s livers get fucked up cause they drink too much--
“I drink too much.”
No, Dick Jack, I’ve seen how you drink. You got a strong liver, it’s nice, big hunka fat. It’s gonna last you a long time. And actually if you stopped drinking, your liver would shut down, cause it’s addicted to alcohol.
“You’re making a lotta sense, Honcho. Tell that hooker I’ll be wanting a good spanking tonight.”
Jesus, Jack, tell her yourself. I didn’t need to hear that.
[[*click*->MYSTERY SOLVED!]]What do you want? What the hell do you want? You know, I’m actually busy right now RAISING YOUR CHILDREN.
“Ok, Mindy! Listen, I’m on a case, I’m trying to get some medical information, I need your help, as a nurse.”
What, what information?
“I need you to tell me...what does a *liver* do?”
You are a disgusting drunk pig, Jack BB, and I can’t believe I let myself become infected with your life.
[[Ahh she didn't know either!->SWIG]]You run to the window and flip open the blinds, they cough dust in your face.
[[scream at the garbage man->“Just what in the good Goddamn son of a bitch do you think you’re doing?? People are tryna work here! I’m tryna sleep here!”]]
*Another damn day on the job. Another waste a time. That’s all I got now, time. Time to myself. That’s why I sleep so damn much, you don’t feel the company of yourself in sleep. And I’m bad company, always have been. It’s why I haven’t had any repeat business. It’s why my ex wife and my kids don’t talk to me. And I gotta feeling it’s why the lady at Pizza John’s stopped givin’ me my discount.*
You produce a flask from your jacket and pour it into a glass.
*Whiskey don’t mind my company. Whiskey might be my closest friend. I always keep her near me. I can see clearly when she runs through my veins. When she fucks up my liver. What the fucks a liver do anyway?*
[[Wait a second...]]**MINI MYSTERY!**
**Mini Mystery: What does a liver do and do I need one?**
*Alright Jack, you might not have a case but you can still stay sharp! Now, what does a liver do?*
[[Phone a friend]]
Of course, the *liver*, how obvious....
[[Now...where was I?]]
Oh yea, I was monologuing!
[[Turn the music back on.]]*It was a hot day. Hotter than a hot mommy in the park. Hotter than a hot dog with diced onion and spicy brown mustard betwixt golden buns. Damn that sounds good. I feel like I haven’t eaten in weeks. But it’s not the lack of food that makes me feel empty inside. It's this miserable empty charade that my life has become.*
[[Although...maybe it is the lack of food?]]**MINI MYSTERY!**
**Mini Mystery: Are you hungry and is it making you feel empty inside?**
This one is tougher, Jack! Keep your head on a swivel and don’t be afraid to get dirty!
[[Phone a friend->phone a friend 2]]
Pretty light pickings right now...damn. Shame I don’t have any deli meats in here, I almost *always* have deli meats in here...
[[back->Although...maybe it is the lack of food?]]Got this old piece of garbage from a one eyed gypsy at a flea market, 12 years ago. Maybe he wasn't a gypsy, but he was one-eyed alright, and being a one eyed man sellin' shitty old furniture at a flea market makes you a gypsy in my book. Some kinda office furniture gypsy.
[[look through the drawers]]
[[back->Although...maybe it is the lack of food?]]Now...who would know about food and emptiness?
[[TOMASSINO, the BUTCHER]]
[[RICARDO, the HOT DOG VENDOR]]
[[YVES, the SHRINK]]
[[back->Although...maybe it is the lack of food?]]You cross the office to a solid wood door and try to turn the handle, it's locked.
Helps to curb the appetite...
[[GULP->GULP2]]This is some potent stuff. Highly flammable. You know who loves this stuff? My car.
[[put back->Search minifridge]]Hard boiled, just like me. Past its date and lookin' doggy, also like me.
[[put back->Search minifridge]]I've blown a lot of snot into this rag. A lotta loogies. I'm an adult man, I wake up every morning coughing up dark slime and thinking nothing of it.
[[put back->look through the drawers]] The power of fire inside a little metal box.
[[put back->look through the drawers]]*Ok...I've been locked in. This is obviously the beginning of a plot to kill me. Too bad for the fools, the damned fools who planned this plot...they didn't think of the windows!*
[[go to the windows->BANG!]]“Just what in the good Goddamn son of a bitch do you think you’re doing?? People are tryna work here! I’m tryna sleep here!”
“What do you want from me, man? Trash is gotta go out sometime.” he says
“Ehh yer garbage! Take yourself out! Remove ya self!”
The dump truck beeps away, spilling trash into the parking lot. You lower the blinds.
[[Turn on jazzy music and start monologuing]]*Oooo that smarts! Tastes like a chemist's ass. Like what a chemist would use to clean out his asshole. Like some sort of ungodly sterilizing agent. I can feel it cleaning out my insides. Getting rid of my unnecessary bits. Cleaning out my brain. Clearing out the bad thoughts...but goddamn is it strong....*
[[oh boy...]]*Yeah. A heapin' helpin' of salt will do it. Salt is a preservative after all.*
[[bite the egg]]
[[put it back->Search minifridge]] And one for good luck...
[[SWIG->SWIG2]]Alrighty...I feel much better. Much looser. Unrestricted.
But wait, I still gotta eat...I'm so hungry...
[[phone a friend]]
[[drink whiskey]]This mini fridge is the stuff of legend. It's been to hell and back but still never managed to defrost. It’s gifts have saved me on many a dark night. My own triple gold account at the Bank of Depression. Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.Double-click this passage to edit it.nothin' too special.
[[back->Although...maybe it is the lack of food?]]The Stash. Sometimes a man just needs to kick back and jerk off. Personally, I crank it while in full recline...makes me feel important. Also a bit like I'm on a rollercoaster. You ever get a handie on a rollercoaster? Friggin' thrilling.
[[take the Stash for a spin]]
[[put back->look through the drawers]] Eyyy, Giacomo Bubi! My favorite guy right here! What can I do for ya, Giac? Coupla big fat beautiful steaks? How bout a pork tenderloin the size-a your arm?
"Goddamnit Tomassino, I want all that shit. When can I come pick it up?"
Come right over! I'll get that taken care of straight away, free of charge! For you, Giac, I'd do that. Just for you, buddy.
"I owe you one, Tomassino."
Look at dis, Giacomo Bing Bong think he owes me. Ya crazy. Listen I gotta go, buddy boy. Head right over.
Hey, my man! You hungry, bro? C'mon man, it's lunch time!
"Ricardo, how long have the sausages been on?"
Man they been crispin up nice, man! I got two fat ones with your name on them!
"My doctor says those things'll kill me."
C'mon bro...I just diced da onyo. You hear this? I'm stirrin the mustard.
"I'll be down immediately."
[[*click*->food]]Jack! Is there something the matter? Are you alright?
"Well, I gotta question for ya, Doc...if you're feeling empty inside, like full a nothing...like if ya feel like you ain't got nothin' left and like you can't keep going...is it possible that's just cause you're *really* hungry?"
Hmmm....well, Jack, hunger is a deeply engrained mechanism of the human body. A very intense hunger *will* affect you on a subconscious level. And Jack, the subconscious mind is the main influencer of the conscious mind...
"Huh. So I should go eat something?"
Eat something and call me back forty five minutes after you finish. If you still are feeling....sluggish, yes?
[[*click*->phone a friend 2]]You shove the whole egg in your mouth and it is soft like cream cheese. You face goes white and a rotten stench shoots into the back of your throat, up your sinuses and out your nostrils. Your mouth hangs open and as you breathe in, you [[GAG.]]You go into a full body retch and like a man possessed you hurl vomit and bile onto the blinds covering the window behind your desk.
[[collect yourself]]You take a swig of water from a jug and splash your face with the rest.
*No Country for Old Eggs*
You look at the vomit stains on the blinds. Suddenly, [[BANG!]]The same powerful noise of the almighty dump truck from earlier! A thunderous *THURRRUMP* with a tiddling *BEEP BEEP* at it's side! And it's getting louder!
[[open the blinds!]]You raise the blinds and see the dump truck slowly backing in through the alley, towards your office.
*Damn! That garbage man really didn't like being called garbage! He should be used to that by now!*
"You're never gonna make it as a garbage man if you can't take a little criticsm, buddy!"
[[search desk->search desk 2]]
[[search minifridge->search minifridge 2]]
[[phone a friend->phone a friend 3]]You open the window as the dump truck approaches!
[[escape through the window]]*How the hell am I gonna get out of this jam?*
[[lighter->lighter 2]]*Oh I'm really gonna get it this time!*
[[grain alcohol]]By the time you get out of the window, the dump truck is practically on top of you. You jump towards the side of the building and are smeared against the wall like a big red booger.
[[OUCH!->Although...maybe it is the lack of food?]]*Oh I have an idea.*
[[use for molotov cocktail]]*Oh I have an idea.*
[[use for molotov cocktail]] *Oh I have an idea.*
[[use for molotov cocktail]] You lean out the window, waving the white flag about like some sort of dainty lunatic. The driver does not take notice, and he proceeds to ram his rear end right into your surrendering body. Leaving you dead.
[[OUCH!->Although...maybe it is the lack of food?]]Using the handkerchief, lighter, and grain alcohol, you craft a molotov cocktail. You are now equipped with ONE (1) MOLOTOV COCKTAIL.
[[open window->open window molotov]]
[[THROW molotov cocktail]]You throw open the window! The dump truck is 20 yards away and closing fast!
[[THROW MOLOTOV COCKTAIL!]]You THROW the molotov cocktail and it explodes on the window, instantly setting the wall ablaze. The heat hits you in a flash and you cower in a corner, whimpering as the flames block your only possible escape. The heat in the room builds until you cannot breathe, then the flashover engulfs the office as your clothes are ignited. You scream and flail and pound your burning fists until you die of suffocation.
[[OUCH!->Although...maybe it is the lack of food?]]You empty your nose's guts into the formerly white cloth.
*I've always got snot to spare.*
[[put back->look through the drawers]] You flick open the lighter and singe a bit of chewed up skin off your fingernail.
*What exactly is keeping my life together right now?*
[[put back->look through the drawers]]You pick a magazine from pile and toss it on the desk, pacing back and forth a few times, sizing it up before sitting down and reclining. Your hand travels down your tie and to your belt, when suddenly, [[BANG!]] *Who's nearby??*
[[RICARDO, the HOT DOG VENDOR->ricardo2]] Man you gonna pick up these dogs or what?
"Ricardo! I need you to run to the alley behind my office, there's a guy in a dump truck trying to kill me!"
**I'M COMIN DICK JACK BB!**
[[open window->open window 2]]You hurl the sweet surpise out the window and it flies like a beautiful bird before crashing down on the cab of the truck.
[[DIRECT HIT!]]The driver jumps out of the now slowing truck, screaming and on fire. You hop out of the window and chase him down, hitting him on the back of the head with your revolver. He falls to the pavement, still burning. You hold a foot on his chest and aim the gun for his head.
[["Who hired you?"]]
[[shoot]]**"AAAHAHAAAAAAAA KILL MEEEEE!!!"**
You look around for some sort of water source but don't see anything. *Well, shit.*
[[shoot]] You execute the driver at point blank range, his body continues to burn. You reach into his pants and grab his singed wallet. You pull out a card for *The Montebello Dance Hall*
*I'm gonna find out who sent you, buddy. And I'm not just gonna kill em, I'm also gonna rob em blind. Cause I got nothin' better to do and I'm poor as shit.
This feels like the beginning of somethin' big...like some sort of ***Mega Mystery**...*
[[to be continued...]]*Alright! I officially have a plan for food, I'm already feeling a bit better.*
[[Exit office]] You open the window as the dump truck approaches!
[[escape through the window->escape through the window 2]]You leap out the window and into the alley, quickly clambering up a nearby fire escape. You see Ricardo emerge from the backside of the alley with his hot dog cart in tow, which he promptly pushes into the path of the oncoming dump truck. The truck strikes the cart and its propane tank erupts in a fiery geyser, which torches the truck's cab.
[[DIRECT HIT!]]"I really should eat something..."
[[PASS OUT!->Although...maybe it is the lack of food?]]
thanks for playing.