DRUNK THREAD!!

[Quate]

I’m drunk as fuck!! Post while drunk only!

I’m in Grand Central station and I hella need to piss!!! 6 beers on empty stomach

[MoxieFamous]

Dr. Quate, isn't drunkenness unhealthy? What do Pfizer and J&J have to say about this? What prescription drugs can I regularly take to mitigate the affects of a drunken, unhealthy lifestyle?
I am not willing to change my destructive consumption patterns and only willing to add a medication to my daily regime. Not getting shitface drunk is not an option.
Please respond.

[Quate]

Dr. Quate, isn't drunkenness unhealthy? What do Pfizer and J&J have to say about this? What prescription drugs can I regularly take to mitigate the affects of a drunken, unhealthy lifestyle?
I am not willing to change my destructive consumption patterns and only willing to add a medication to my daily regime. Not getting shitface drunk is not an option.
Please respond.

Mr. Famous,

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! Johnson & Johnson can suck my Long Johnson, and Pfizer can Pfuck my tight ASS!!!


That's because they don't give me enough funding. You see, when you're an Online Doctor like me, you need to have enough funding to keep operating. Those schmucks we keep alive don't pay enough! And since I got "#MeToo'd", Pfizer and J&J both decided to put me on the shit-list. SO FUCK'EM! (Why did I even take that goddamn Covid shot, anyway? I did it on Live Stream Twitch Tv!)

As for mitigating a drunken lifestyle, I have good news for you. Our ancestors in the Ganges River Delta, including all those people with the last name "Gupta", drank beer pretty much 24/7. It was safer than water back then, and it was also long enough ago for evolution to take its course. Therefore, it's actually *good* for you, biologically, to slow-drip light-to-moderate beer almost all the time!

There's this great company, though, that makes Beer Vaccine. Beer Vaccine will ensure what I have said above is true. All that liver damage and shit is fully eradicated once you've taken Beer Vaccine. You can get Beer Vaccine at any Walgreens -- just ask for "Merck Beer Vaccine" and they'll take you to the back room and show you the rest. You won't like where the needle goes, but you *will* like living a full and rich life until the age of 65.

If Merck stops paying me, I'll edit this comment!!!!

This will help,
Dr. Quate

[Quate]

I should've mentioned, I typed all that while drunk as fuck. This is the drunk thread and you have to be drunk to post on it.

[MoxieFamous]

Do I have to feel drunk to post here, or can I post after simply consuming massive amounts of alcohol? How many standard 12 fluid ounce cans of light or ice beer must I consume to post? My tolerance as of late has been quite robust.

[duck]

im drunk as duck